Paradigms of Success
Hey Collective Crew, Shaun here. What does “success” really mean? It’s a word loaded with societal baggage, personal aspirations, and often, a whole lot of misunderstanding. On The Collective this week, joined by the insightful Sebastien Lavoie and Nick Felber, Chance and I dove headfirst into dissecting the “Paradigms of Success.”
We didn’t just talk about reaching goals; we questioned the very nature of those goals, the often-overlooked challenges of after achievement, the crucial role of friction, and why the process itself might be the truest measure of success.
This Week’s Paradigm Shifters:
Sebastien Lavoie: Sharing wisdom on frameworks, values, integration, and the dangers of defining yourself by a single peak.
Nick Felber: Bringing raw honesty from the MMA world about post-victory lows, the luxury of suffering, and finding success beyond the win.
Key Insights We Unpacked:
1. Success: Misdefined and Dangerously Fluid?
Right off the bat, we challenged the common, often materialistic, definitions of success (Nick: “Bank account vs. Louis Vuitton bag”). Seb highlighted that success paradigms are mental frameworks, influenced by values and societal pressure, and crucially, shouldn’t be set in concrete. They need flexibility, but as Chance pointed out from his own military experience, moving the goalposts without intention can lead to stagnation after a major achievement.
2. The Summit Trap & Post-Achievement Pitfalls:
Reaching a pinnacle – whether it’s a deployment, a championship win, or climbing Everest – often brings an unexpected challenge: the descent. Seb discussed “summit depression” and the danger of letting a single event define your entire identity for decades (the “high school football star” syndrome). Nick powerfully described the severe post-fight depression many fighters face, even after a win, highlighting that the emotional low after the adrenaline dump can be brutal. The consolidation phase, after the perceived goal is met, is often where things unravel if focus is lost.
3. Friction Isn’t the Obstacle, It’s the Way (Comfort is Poison)
A recurring theme: genuine growth and meaningful success are forged in difficulty. Seb stated bluntly, “Comfort is our poison.” Easy achievements rarely provide lasting satisfaction or deep learning. The struggle, the friction, the “scars” (as Nick and I discussed) are what build resilience, reveal character, and make the outcome truly valuable. As I shared about writing the book with Seb – the difficulty is what makes the process worthwhile. If it were easy, it wouldn’t matter as much. “Suffering is a luxury,” came up repeatedly, resonating deeply – it’s through enduring hardship that we truly grow.
4. The “One Road” Myth & The Power of Integration:
My concept of staying true to your core “way” or “one road” sparked nuance. Seb aptly pointed out that one road still contains varied terrain – pavement, gravel, mud – requiring different skills (integration). You don’t jump between unrelated highways; you learn to navigate the complexities of your path. This involves integrating experiences. Seb stressed the critical need for integration time after intense learning or hardship (as we raised the topic of our own post-book-writing burnout). Simply accumulating experiences or courses without applying and internalizing the lessons leads to superficial knowledge, not deep competence. You need to put “wheels to the pavement.”
5. Finding Your Successful Moment (It’s Rarely the Podium):
When asked about our peak success moments, the answers were revealing. Nick’s defining moment wasn’t the hand raise, but seeing his mom and dog afterward – connection and love trumped glory. My focus has always been on not letting the team down – shared effort matters more than solo victories. Seb pinpointed successfully navigating the entire difficult process of ERT selection, not just the graduation moment, fueled by gratitude and overcoming obstacles. Chance found it in applying learned skills in real-world scenarios (like finding an IED). The takeaway? The objective “win” is often less significant than the internal validation, the connection, or the mastery of the process.
6. The Gift of Hardship & Giving Back:
Experiences that feel like curses at the time – combat, illness, major failures – can, with reflection and integration, become gifts. As I argued, these intense periods contain invaluable lessons. Nick shared how his own battle with cancer now allows him to be a gift to others facing similar diagnoses, offering understanding he wishes he’d had. Processing these “gifts,” though difficult, allows us to transform suffering into wisdom and service.
7. Coaching Success: Relatability, Process, Not Just Results:
How do we guide others toward their success? It’s not about selling a pre-packaged paradigm (the dangerous trend on social media, as I cautioned). True coaching requires relatability born from lived experience and a track record (not just a certificate). It demands understanding different learning styles (Seb’s point about adapting coaching). It focuses on the process, instilling discipline and teamwork (Nick’s example with his teen program), and crucially, prioritizing holistic wellness over burnout for short-term glory (Seb’s cautionary tale of his daughter’s gymnastics career). It’s about helping individuals discover and navigate their road, not imposing yours.
Final Thought: Success is the Willingness to Engage the Process
Perhaps the ultimate paradigm shift is this: Success isn’t a static destination or a singular peak moment defined by external validation. It’s the willingness to engage deeply with the process, to embrace necessary friction, to integrate lessons learned from both victories and failures, and to continually redefine what achievement means to you, aligned with your core values and purpose. It’s showing up, doing the work, navigating the varied terrain of your road, and finding meaning not just at the summit, but all along the climb and the crucial descent.
What does success look like on your road today?
Listen to the full Paradigm-Shifting discussion here: Paradigms Of Success
Keep learning, building, and defining your success,
Shaun & The Collective Crew
