The Vibe We Bring: Redefining Manners for a Complex World
On this week’s The Collective podcast, we explored the often-underestimated power of manners. Far from superficial politeness, “Manners Maketh Man” speaks to a framework of discipline, respect, and social conduct that underpins individual character and cultural strength.
The misconception is that manners equate to weakness. But as our conversation revealed, real strength is controlled and measured. Manners, in their deepest sense, are the refinement of strength – the disciplined restraint and considered action that signals control, composure, and respect, especially under pressure.
Friday’s The Collective Podcast Guests
- Andrew Siepka: Former USCG Special Operator, now Lead Strength & Conditioning Coach, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; Owner, Siepka Ludus Strength & Conditioning; Veteran Advocate.
- Mark Bouchard: Former RCMP ERT Tactical Medic, now RCMP Tactical Medicine Coordinator, Mental Health Advocate, and Author.
“Manners Maketh Man”: Beyond Rules to the Underlying Vibe
We often confuse manners with etiquette (rules) or morality (right/wrong). I think there’s a crucial distinction here: Manners are the underlying consideration, the empathy, the respect, the unspoken vibe you project. This vibe is perceived instantly, signalling respect or disregard before words are exchanged. It’s about embodying genuine consideration.
Reflection Question: How consciously are you managing the ‘vibe’ you project in your daily interactions, beyond just the words you use?
“What You Do Has Greater Impact”: Manners as Action & Accountability
Andrew reminded us, “What you do has a far greater impact than what you say.” True manners manifest in consistent action – the effort to listen, respect boundaries, offer help. It’s personal discipline and self-accountability, holding yourself to a standard regardless of others. Manners are integrity in action.
Application Challenge: Notice one instance this week where your actions demonstrated respect (or lack thereof), independent of your words. What did that action communicate?
Manners Under Pressure: De-escalation in the “Dynamic Interface”
Compelling stories emerged of manners as critical tools in high-stakes. Here, manners become:
- De-escalation Tools: Using calm, respectful conduct to defuse tension.
- Real-Time Assessment: Reading the “dynamic interface” of interactions.
- Professionalism & Self-Control: Choosing response over reaction, embodying internal regulation.
Reflection Question: When faced with conflict, disrespect, or high pressure, what is your default response? How could a more conscious application of ‘manners’ (as deep consideration and controlled response) change the dynamic?
Capacity & Connection: Why Manners Falter (and Why They Matter More)
Why does courtesy seem strained? Mark highlighted the link between manners and capacity. Stress, pain, and trauma deplete our resources, making the effort of manners harder. Rudeness often signals another’s struggle. This calls for grace, but also underscores the importance of manners as tools for connection – vital for regulation and resilience in stressful times.
Self-Reflection: Consider your own capacity levels lately. Are there times when stress impacts your interactions? How can you manage this, or extend grace to others operating with low capacity?
“Fighting the Good Fight”: Upholding Standards & Reciprocity
Does being respectful get tiring? Yes. Andrew framed consistency as “fighting the good fight” – persisting because it’s hard builds character and reflects a champion mindset. However, the discussion also stressed reciprocity. Acknowledging courtesy sustains social standards; ignoring disrespect allows erosion. Sometimes, accountability is necessary.
Challenge: Identify one area where you feel “tired” of upholding a standard of courtesy. Recommit to it this week, viewing it as part of “fighting the good fight.”
Key Principles for Cultivating Meaningful Manners:
- Focus on the Underlying Vibe, Not Just the Rules.
- Embody Manners Through Action & Self-Accountability.
- Employ Manners as Tools for De-escalation and Assessment Under Pressure.
- Acknowledge the Role of Capacity (Yours and Others).
- Embrace Consistency as “Fighting the Good Fight.”
- Value Reciprocity in Courteous Interactions.
Manners: The Foundation of Culture
Ultimately, manners, understood deeply, are not optional niceties but foundational elements of character and culture. They represent controlled strength and build the resilient social fabric necessary for trust and cooperation. Cultural erosion often begins in small, daily moments of neglect. Respect and discipline are timeless necessities.
Reflect on Your Manners: Explore the deeper meaning of manners as controlled strength and cultural foundation.
Listen to the full Manners discussion here: Manners Maketh Man
