This week on The Collective, Chance and I sat down for an unscripted conversation, turning our own real-life experiences into practical lessons on fatherhood, responsibility, and intentional living. The chat flowed from post-processing our thoughts and parenting our kids to navigating the complexities of social media and the importance of having a plan for chaos. It was a raw, honest look at the “in-between” moments where the real work of growth happens, reminding us that the principles we discuss on the show are the very same ones we are actively trying to live every day.
Key Insights from Our “Intentional Living” Discussion:
1. The Art of Post-Processing Your Life
Chance introduced the idea of “post-processing” our thoughts and conversations. Just like editing a photo, this is the deliberate act of reflecting on an experience after it happens to extract the lessons, understand our own reactions, and figure out how to do it better next time. This practice is the bridge between simply having an experience and actually gaining wisdom from it.
2. The Two Mirrors: Past and Present
We explored the value of looking at our past selves through the lens of our present selves. By viewing a memory of “20-year-old me” through the lens of “62-year-old me,” we can see our growth, understand our patterns, and gain a more neutral, objective view of our journey. This “double mirror” effect is a powerful tool for self-awareness.
3. Live or Remember: The Trap of the Past
I made a critical point about the danger of spending too much time working on the past. While reflection is necessary, your life exists now. If every moment in the present is spent ruminating on a past you can’t change, you’re not healing; you’re just absent. The goal is to do the work on the past so that it no longer affects your now.
4. Pathfinder Your Family: Have a Plan for Chaos
Using the analogy of military planning, I described my process of “Pathfindering” my family during travel. At every new location, I establish a “last known good” location—an emergency rally point. This simple act of pre-planning for a worst-case scenario (for example, someone getting lost) eliminates the “cognitive sizzle” of group anxiety and creates the peace of mind needed to operate freely and confidently in an unknown environment.
5. Kids are Like Dogs: They Require Training
We made the blunt but practical comparison that children, like dogs, require consistent training as they grow up. Concepts like “recall”—getting them to respond when you call, or need something—are not innate; they are skills that must be taught and practiced. Acknowledging this shifts the parenting mindset from hoping for good behaviour to actively building it.
6. Don’t Just Say “No,” Explain “Why”
When parenting, the goal isn’t to get your kids to obey; it’s to get them to understand. I stressed the importance of digging into the “why” behind their desires and our decisions. Asking, “What would ‘strong’ look like to you?” or explaining the deeper reason for a rule transforms a moment of discipline into a lesson in critical thinking.
7. The Responsibility of Leadership
Chance reflected on a key lesson he’s learned: the more you grow as a leader and a parent, the more you realize that your actions must serve those you lead. He shared how a simple question from his son—”Why do we take care of ourselves?”—became a powerful opportunity to instill the value of long-term thinking, explaining that he takes care of himself today so he can be the 70-year-old man playing with his grandkids tomorrow.
Final Thought: Intentional living is built in the small, deliberate choices.
It’s not about grand gestures or perfect plans. It’s about post-processing your day, pathfindering your family interactions as a team, and taking the time to explain the “why” to your kids. It is the cumulative effect of these small, conscious acts of responsibility and awareness that builds a resilient family, a strong character, and a life of purpose.
What is one small, intentional choice you can make today?
Listen to the full discussion here: Intentional Fatherhood
Keep building,
Shaun & The Collective Crew
