We spend a lot of time looking back, talking about the “good old days” as if they were something we lost. But what if they were something we built? This week on The Workshop, Ed Monk joined Chance and me to discuss how we remember our time in the military. We explored the therapeutic power of rose-coloured glasses, why punishment often becomes our fondest memories, and the responsibility we have when sharing our past with others.
This Week’s Guest:
– Ed Monk: CAF Veteran, former combat engineer and firefighter/EMS, new dad, and artist at Fountainhead Tattoo.
Key Insights from Our “The Good Old Days” Discussion:
1. The Lens is a Slider
I noted that the lens through which we view our past is not static. You are constantly managing that lens every single second of your life. As Ed pointed out, therapy often requires us to look through a dark lens to process trauma. But we also have the power to slide that lens toward the positive side, to remember the small team glow-stick fights and the absurdity of youth. We all get to control the dial on our own memories.
2. Punishment Becomes the Trophy
Ed shared a story from his first exercise in 1 CER. He forgot his BFA (Blank Firing Attachment) and was punished by having to build a sandbag throne for his Sergeant in the pouring rain. At the time, it was pure misery. Today, he wouldn’t trade that memory for anything. It’s a perfect example of how the friction we hate in the moment becomes the story we cherish in the future.
3. The Knock-On Effect of a Good Memory
Ed talked about the therapeutic power of calling up old buddies just to laugh about the absurdities of their service. If you are in a positive headspace, sharing that energy with a friend who might be struggling is an act of service. The simple act of recounting a funny story can create a positive ripple effect.
4. Reading the Room in Reflection
While sharing a positive memory is great, Ed cautioned that you must read the room. If a friend is in a dark place and actively angry about their military experience, trying to shove a “happy” story down their throat will likely have the opposite effect. You have to gauge where someone’s internal slider is before you start sharing your own nostalgia.
5. Extracting Wisdom from the Story
I challenged the idea that reminiscing should be just for laughs. We can spend an hour talking about peeling potatoes, but if we don’t extract a lesson from it, we are just serving ourselves. The highest level of storytelling is taking an anchored memory from your past and translating it into wisdom that can help someone else in their present.
6. Naming the Frustration
Ed brought up a valuable interpersonal skill: helping people recognize their own emotional state. If a student is failing and getting frustrated, they often get tunnel vision. By calmly observing and saying, “I think you’re getting frustrated,” you help them step out of the “black.” You name the emotion so they can process it and return to an organized state.
7. Maintaining the Baseline
When a group gets together, and the energy ramps up into manic laughter and storytelling, someone needs to act as the baseline. I noted that maintaining a grounded, even energy during a highly emotional conversation helps ensure the story doesn’t lose its context. We must engage in the memory without being completely absorbed by it.
8. Updating the Avatar
Chance noted the joy of reconnecting with guys like Ed because it allows him to “update the avatar” in his head. You shouldn’t just remember your friends as the 19-year-old kids they were in uniform; you need to see them as the artists, fathers, and professionals they are today. Bringing old friends into new arenas honours their growth.
Final Thought: The past is a reference point, not a residence.
The “good old days” were good because you were in the arena, facing friction alongside people you trusted. If you want good days now, you don’t need a time machine; you need to manage your lens, extract the wisdom from your history, and apply it to the present for those around you.
Are you controlling the slider on your memories, or are they controlling you?
Listen to the full “The Good Old Days” discussion here: Building Good Old Days
Keep adjusting the lens,
Shaun & The Collective Crew
